A Calculus Carol

By Denis Gannon (1940-1991)

(sung to the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree")

Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, How tough are both your branches.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, To pass, what are my chances?

Derivatives I cannot take, At integrals my fingers shake.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, How tough are both your branches.

Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, Your theorems I can't master.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, My proofs are a disaster.

You pull a trick out of the air, Or find a reason, God knows where.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, Your theorems I can't master.

Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, Your problems do distress me.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, Related rates depress me.

I walk toward lampposts in my sleep, And running water makes me weep.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, Your problems do distress me.

Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, My limit I am reaching.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, For mercy I'm beseeching.

my grades do not approach a B, They're just an epsilon from D.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, My limit I am reaching.

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