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Words that don't exist but should

AQUADEXTROUS - adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathroom faucet on and off with your toes.


CARPERPETUATION - n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.


DISCONFECT - v. To sterilize a piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow "remove" all the germs.


ELBONICS - n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater (airplane).


FRUST - n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keep backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.


LACTOMANGULATION - n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the "illegal" side.


PEPPIER - n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.


PHONESIA - n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.


PUPKUS - n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.


TELECRASTINATION - n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.


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