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Ontario University Life

(Note: quite a lot on this page isn't true, but it's funny anyway!)

Okay, so the summer has ended and school is about to start again soon. Well, you've probably gotten together with old friends during the summer and have probably noticed different things about each of them since they attend other schools. This is what you may have noticed about each:

Carleton University:
Your friend will constantly talk about Carleton producing 'successful' alumni such as washed-up comedian Dan Ackroyd and Michael Cowpland (founder of Corel which unsuccesfully tried to fight Microsoft before almost going bankrupt and then was bought by Microsoft). However, they fail to mention that the aforementioned alumni donate their money back to University of Ottawa, and not Carleton. Your friend may look like a 'Fresh Prince of Belair' character as well.


Lakehead University:
Your friend couldn't come back home during reading week because by the time he or she made it all the way home, they'd have to start heading back up. They talk about never going back again to Lakehead and ponder working at an automotive plant for the remainder of their lives since a degree from Lakehead means nothing.


Laurentian University:
Your friend will come back with a sense of well-being and being 'at one with nature'. They'll claim that they chose to attend Laurentian for the natural beauty of Sudbury, but will secretly tell you that the whole city smells like sewage and sweaty miners. They'll conceal from you the fact that they find the smell of skunks pleasant compared to the smell of the miners.


McMaster University:
Just like Queens, your friend will talk about it being the place to be' and talk about McMaster being one of the few schools with its own nuclear eactor. However, they fail to mention that its nuclear reactor is one atomic collision away from causing another Chernoble and that citizens of Hamilton dress in all-gray to blend in with the colour scheme of the city.


Ryerson University:
Your friend constantly reminds you that its a ' university' and not a college and reminds you that its among the top in Engineering. What they fail to tell you is that it borders the Gay/Lesbian area of Toronto and has homeless bums harassing students. Your friend may also have breathing problems after being exposed to Toronto's smoggy air for too long.


Queens University:
Your friend was once a proud member of an ethnic group but has come back acting like a Gino, blasting techno beats. He or she may constantly talk about Kingston being 'the place to be' and talk about Queens' medical program being among the best. They may also remind people that Kingston was once the capital of Canada. However, they fail to realise its Kingston and that no one cares.


U of T Erindale:
Your friend talks in a new language - Punjabi - after being around so many South Asian people for too long. They also talk about how the Toronto Argonauts football team practices at Erindale but fail to realise how bad the Argonauts are. On the plus side, the Argonauts can now run better after being exposed to a vibrant curry smell on campus.


U of T Scarborough:
Your friend constantly talks about how they've got many girlfriends or boyfriends at school and how they're 'keeping it real' because of the gangster influence. What they fail to tell you is that their school isn't a school but actually a local nightclub that operates during the day. Western students beware!


U of T St.George:
After being at a school with so many students, your friend will lack individuality and has come back as a robot. They may address themselves by their student number instead of their name and may talk in a monotone voice because of their lack of individuality.


University of Guelph:
Your friend was originally planning to be a veternarian or go into environmental sciences but somehow, they're now studying Business. Your male friends chose to attend Guelph for the great guy-girl ratio but came back angry after learning that all the women still have boyfriends back home. Your female friends will return disappointed after learning that the men are all farmers and hicks.


University of Ottawa:
Your friend will stick up for their school where possible but secretly tell you that they only came to Ottawa after they were rejected by their first, second, third and fourth choices. Your friend will visit Parliament Hill and protest whatever is being protested because 'its fun' and because 'there's nothing better to do'.


University of Waterloo:
Being the top school in Canada, Waterloo students are smug and arrogant believing that they are the best around. They fail to mention that the library was designed by Waterloo students and that it's sinking into the ground after the students forgot to account for the weight of the books in the library. Way to go!


University of Western Ontario:
Your friend will come back home and talk about how great the social life is at Western. However, they won't recall a thing about school and will wonder what you're talking about when you mention the words 'integral' or 'theorem' to them. They may think you're talking about bars instead and will probably invite you out for a drink.


University of Windsor:
Your friend will talk about Windsor attracting some of the best students regardless that the university somehow felt the need to run infomercials to promote itself. They fail to mention that the school harasses prospective students to choose Windsor, often begging students in their offers and offering ridiculous amounts of money that it doesn't have.


Wilfred Laurier University:
Your friend will come back depressed because their attempts to mingle with Waterloo students were unsuccessful. They may try to marry a Computer Science or Engineering student from Waterloo because of their infatuation with the school but will return home empty-handed. They may consider suicide as a reasonable option.


York University:
Your friend is trying to switch to a different school. Enough said.


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