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"There's no justice in this world..."

Miss Woollett -- after handing an RS exam back to Sibon, which he got 94% on.


"Look, I know I'm dumb, I know I'm stupid, but please, hear me out first."

An IT Teacher


"And then, you see, we were packing up, and then suddenly, I find a bunch of teeth. My husband's mother was keeping his teeth for him for 30 years!"

A History Teacher


"What I'm about to teach you is very rude. You shouldn't say it to French people, because you could offend. (thinks) Maybe I shouldn't teach you this... oh what the heck!"

Mrs. Wilson, teaching us a colloquial way of saying "good luck" in French


"Don't play with things you don't understand!"

Mr. Leatham


"That's it... I can't remember which Jason is which now. From now on, you're 'big J' (Jason Yip), and you (pointing to me) are 'little J'"

Miss Woollett - during an RS lesson in Year 9.


"(name removed to protect the guilty)... if I hear that watch one more - just ONE more time, then I'm going to take it off you and lock it up somewhere it WON'T beep."

Mrs. Tsui, in Y11 History, getting very annoyed at someone whose watch keeps going off one minute before lesson ends. Every lesson.


"What you do in the next 5 minutes..."

"What you learn this lesson..."

"... could make the difference between pass or fail."

"... can make the difference between getting an A and a B."

"... can make the difference between going to a top university and sleeping on the street."

"... can determine your future."

"... will determine whether you are a renowned physicist or otherwise."

"... will determine whether you are one of us... or one of THEM"

Mr. Leatham -- every time we start goofing off in lesson.

(Them refers to non-physicists)

"I'll not wish you good luck... I believe you'll get what you deserve."

Mr. Leatham, after our last lesson for GCSE


"Now then... can anyone tell me why you don't cross-connect two batteries?"

Mr. Leatham - in Y11, after an incident that almost blew up two lead acid batteries.


"The unit of power is what?"

Mr. Leatham, asking us the unit of power (i.e. watt)


"ONE strip of magnesium in ONE molar acid! Now which word didn't you understand??!"

Mrs. Perryman - after a group blew up a test tube of magnesium and 2M acid.


"Jason [not me, another Jason sitting at my table], are you cutting yourself up again? It really isn't healthy for you!"

Mrs. Perryman, speaking to the other Jason about cutting his skin off


"Now who in their right mind would set fire to a beaker full of alcohol?"

Mrs. Eaglestone - during a Y9 Science lesson - after a beakerful of alcohol was lit.


"So, if I punched John in the nose, I could argue 'But your Honour, his nose hit me with an equal and opposite force'. (pause) I'd probably lose my job, but anyway..."

Mr. Leatham - in Y10, after explaining Newton's Third Law.


"Now now, we're not playing with fire, we're just not using it for its intended purpose."

Mrs. Perryman, when we used the Bunsen burners to keep warm during the winter. Everyone loved her, especially in the winter, because it was the one lesson where we were all WARM for the entire lesson (See Dr. Checkland's comment about warmth later)


"From now on, you're Superman Jan."

Mr. Leatham - Y11 Science, after Jan crushed a bottle of distilled water squeezing it


"Thou shalt not make flame throwers out of gas taps."

Mr. Leatham, after one of us turned the gas tap into a flame thrower spewing metre long flames


"Oh my word, oh my word..."

"Or should I say..."

Mr. Milnes - his classic quotes



Mr. Hardern -- randomly


"Uh... thingy..."

Mr. Boyce -- trying to remember my name


"All right children... playtime!"

Mr. Hardern -- after practically *every* Business lesson


"Oh, right, of course. I have to sign your green slip to get out. Squiggle. There."

Mr. Hardern, signing our "get out of school" slips. (his signature WAS a squiggle)


"I go to church every Sunday morning, I give to charity, and I STILL get you lot!"
Mr. Minns -- to a Physics class (not mine!)


"You seriously have a weird way of thinking about programming"

Dr. Checkland, after inspecting Ktung's Computing work

"It's quite simple, really."

Miss Pearson - after three whiteboards' worth of working out in Maths


"... if you're not finished your exam and the examiner says stop, keep writing. They'll come back to tell you again. And remember to keep your blood sugar level up during the exam - bring in a chocolate bar."

Mr. McMahon - during our last Y11 registration


"Now the cosine of 40 is 0.77, I think... hold on, let me just check."

Mr. McMahon - teaching me a mechanics question. He was NOT using a calculator until he checked.


"Oh yes, I definitely think Acorns still have a future"

Overheard in 1998 -- source unconfirmed


"What makes Microsoft think that when you kill off the Office Assisstant, you want to see it disappear slowly?"

Dr. Checkland


"Next year, I'm going to use 'Ferrari' as my word. You see, if I use 'spam' as the word, then I always get spam for my birthday. But if I use 'Ferrari', then..."

Dr. Checkland


"Yesssss!!! My spam is safe!"

Dr. Checkland - after throwing off the entire class when asking whether the expression "Dim next as Boolean" was valid in VBA


"Well, the rest of my class left, including Suvrat, who's my usual target. So basically, I only have one person left from my old class to insult. And that lucky person happens to be Ben!"

Mr. Greenfield - after our M2 class looked quizzingly at him and his constant dissing... he started dissing the rest of us, so don't feel too bad, Ben!


"Tammy's not here, so I guess I'll have to be Tammy".

Mr. Hall, to his Chemistry class during a practical session.


"Looks like we'll have a revisit with Chris Leungs in strings again."

Mr. Greenfield, teaching M2. (Chris Leungs in strings refers to "Jerks in strings")


"A once-in-a-lifetime thing happened yesterday. Can anyone guess what it is?" (silence) "I didn't insult Ben for a whole lesson!"

Mr. Greenfield


"... I considered renaming the Astronomy General Studies class to "Cosmology, Relativity, Astronomy and Physics", just so that I could give it the initials C.R.A.P."

Mr. Barnes - during a talk about General Studies courses we could take.


"Galileo took 2 of his balls (one lead, one steel) and dropped them down the Tower of Pisa."

Mr. Barnes


"My father used to tell me: 'for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction force'. So I wondered - if there is an equal and opposite reaction for for every force, how is it that when I pee...

Mr Barnes


"So can we rename it the 'Barnes' Variable?'"
Mr. Barnes, after he was told by a professor that Hubble's Constant may not really be a constant.


Mr. Barnes: "So if Qn represents the quartiles, what does Pn represent?"
Angela: "Uhh...penile?" (The correct answer is, of course, "percentile".)

A conversation in a further Maths class


"If you think you are hard done by (which you obviously do), give a thought to the current Year 13s who have had to go through as the first cohort of the new AS/A2! Still at least they went on a year 9 camp - that'll keep them happy in years to come even if they do fail all the new exams."

Dr. Checkland, responding to a forum thread about "Year 10 mistreatment". (Year 10 - Class of 2005)

"Well Jason, haven't *we* busy this term? I noticed that this morning in the bulletin you had effectively taken over the bulletin. You don't own this school you know!"

Mr. Leatham, commenting on the number of messages I had put into the bulletin one morning. It was true - out of the nine notices, SEVEN of them were mine.


"Thanks for immortalizing me on your website"

Mr. Barnes - commenting on his quotes on this website


"So when do YOU think we'll ever see a Pang's constant?"

Mr. Leatham, after another off-on-a-tangent discussion about physics.


"Cmon, it's not nuclear brain surgery!"

Mr. Haggarty, when finding that his viola players couldn't play quavers


"Chemistry is for failed physicsists. Mathematics is a tool of physics. Biology is not even a science"

Mr. Leatham


"And if you're REALLY running out of time...I'll leave that to your imagination"

Mr. Leatham


"Ohm's wife said 'Welcome Ohm' to him every evening"

Mr. Leatham


"I've decided to be serious from now on."

*long pause while he pretends to look serious, followed by uncontrollable laughter*

Mr. Leatham


"How many times have I told you that Temperature is always in Kelvin? T in K, - so remember, next time, TINK about it!"

Mr. Leatham


"Have you ever seen one of these excited? I haven't. It's a board eraser."

Mr. Leatham


"Yeah, whatever. This isn't cold!"

Dr. Checkland to our computing class, wearing shorts, in the middle of winter, with the air conditioner on, set at 16 degrees. The sane people were all wearing blazers on top of their sweaters.


"... and this (hand quivers slightly) is a microwave."

Mr. Leatham


"So therefore, we've proven... now what on earth have we here?"

Miss Pearson, during a P3 lesson


"Now, for all intents and purposes, this experiment didn't happen."

Mr Leatham, about one of our electricity experiments


(marches into the classroom) "I've just heard the most blasphemous use of the English language today on the stairs. 'I mean like as if' -- that's what I heard on the stairs. But no, she didn't say it like that, she said 'I mean... like... as IF!' in a very... oh I don't know, what is this language coming to?"

Mr. Milnes, commenting on the use of the English Language during one of our classes


"Gee, THAT was an experiment gone wrong. ANYway, I will show you the results, and you will use them in your homework."

Mr. Leatham, after messing up an experiement on static electricity


"AAAHH... wait! Stop! Halt! You're not allowed to talk to them! They're contagious! Isolated! Separated! You're not allowed to communicate with them!"

"If you come in, you can't EVER go out... until 3 o'clock"

"Who are you, and what are you doing, talking to these isolated people?"

Mr. Leatham, while doing an after-exam supervision thing.


"And I'm supposed to be impressed that you've managed to find enough information about me to stalk me even while I'm at home?"

Dr. Checkland, after we went on the HKT website and found his phone number


"Well, I was taking my class in the UK out for a field trip, and we sat through the most boring talk I've ever had the pleasure of listening to. At the end, I said to my class 'If I've ever been this boring in class, I'm sorry.' To which one of them said 'All is forgiven, sir.'"

Dr. Checkland - speaking to us about a class he had in the UK after a particularly boring lesson.

"...it's for fluid reception only, ok?" - bus driver
"...so diarrhoea is ok, right?" - Mr. Jarvis.

On the coach -the driver was telling the Australian tour people about the toilet at the back.


"Insanity is relative. If you compare me to a beetroot, then yeah, i'm insane. But if you compare me to a carrot, that's a completely different matter."

Mr. Greenfield


"Well now - what have we here... isn't this a blast from the past?"

Mrs Eaglestone - when I showed up in the staff room on my first day as a staff member of KGV


"... and at the end of term, right before Christmas, my Year 13 Class [Class of 2004] refused to let the lesson continue on without singing 'A Calculus Carol' - which they found thanks to your website!"

"I'm not sure how well known your site is among staff, but I think people visit once every so often once they realize that there's interesting tidbits about various members of staff here and there"

Mrs. Eaglestone - referring to jasonpang.net when I was talking to her about all sorts of random stuff


"All right, don't forget your homie-workies..."

Mr Milnes


"Put it down, put it down, put it down down down..."

"Make a note, make a note, make a note note note..."
Mr Milnes


"Don't feel that since you're finished you have to sit there until the end of the lesson!"

"I suppose that if you guys can all be crowded around talking about Age of Empires, there's no point in keeping you here any longer"

Mrs Eaglestone - to her class after a practical exam mock


"No need to be scared, it's only Linda"

Mr Leatham - on bumping into Linda at the carpark


"You and your smutty minds..."

Mr Milnes


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