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I know I know... this section wouldn't be complete without me putting up some (stupid) things I've said... so here they are:


"There is no neutral. What's not bad is good!"

My most famous quote, said during a Y7 - Prefect interview.

I also became the laughing stock of most of Y13.


"Don't let go, Lai! (referring to Jason Lai) You're gonna hit me in the... "(*sproing*)

During Y11 Mangoves trip -- I didn't finish the sentence because a tree was in my mouth



What people hear when I say "shut up" quickly (at least according to Vivien, Athena, and co.)


"And then... my gas water heater blew up! Boom! The cover of the heater came off, and..."

(I trailed off when I noticed Kevin, Mike, and Zara all had suppressed grins.)

"... all right, I know what you want to do... go on, laugh... I promise that I won't be hurt. "

Telling a true story during registration, after my gas water heater at home literally blew up. Luckily, nobody was hurt.


"Hmm... I'll think about it. (short pause) No."

"Hmm... let me think about it. (short pause) No."

While being begged to give out merits to my Y7 Peer Support group


"You mean to say you've been in an ESF school for this long and you can't understand the words 'toilet out of order - do not enter'? And you also decided to go 'No. 2' in the busted toilet??" (slaps forehead in disbelief)

Telling someone off at Y7 Camp


"'Limp Bizkit sucks,' now let me in!"

That was the code word to get into my cabin (er, shall I say shack) during Y7 Camp. Weird... I'm the leader and I have to say the password??!


"I hereby call this the official 7P 'thing'"

I made this really weird "lantern" during Year 7 camp, and, well, it was really weird. So we hung it in the doorway of the cabin/dorm/shack and made it the official "thing".


"White stick"

Translate this into Chinese, and you'll get something very interesting


"On behalf of Year 13, I'd like to thank Teddy for his very informative speech on the current situation in Afghanistan. We all found it very interesting and ... (pause) informative. Thanks for coming to KGV."

Thanking a spokesperson from Oxfam. Obviously I got a bit tongue-tied... and once again became the laughing stock of Y13


"Right... you've based your entire campaign on statistics about school. Well... I've done some statistical research myself ... (loud cheering)... According to you, one form group in the entire school has more girls than boys. Well, you're off by a multiple of 18. What are the chances??"

During an SSC election Q&A session - I was feeling particularly mean that day


"So, do you believe that 86.5% of all statistics are false?"


"By now, I think you must think that I think you're crazy"

Forget when now... talking with some friends


"No, I don't believe in paying to get killed"

Being asked whether I'll play wargames or not


"Hi, I'd like to order a large anchovy pizza with extra cheese please"

"You have reached 2xxx-xxxx ... to leave a message, please leave a message after the beep... BEEP!"

Picking up a ringing phone in the SSC. Yes, I answered the phone and said these things. There's more... just that these are the funny ones.


"Whaddaya mean, 'you don't see Sogo'??! It's only the biggest most prominent building around, with a huge logo It's spelt S-O-G-O..."

Talking on the phone and trying to find some lost people


"Wait... what did you say you see? (pause) A red man and a green man. Riiight... that's called a 'traffic light'. Now do you see any buildings around? like Sogo? (pause) GOOD! Now, walk towards the green man, and go into the store you see directly ahead... no INSIDE... no, it doesn't matter WHERE... just get inside!"

Same incident as above...


"That COULD work... but the chances of that working are about the same as the Earth being struck by a large asteroid, the Sun blowing up, and (somebody - not saying who) acting sane for once in his life. And all happening simultaneously within this minute."

Discussion during a Peer Support Meeting


"Now I know what it feels like being a sardine in an undersized can."

Referring to the packed conditions near Times Square, 31/12/2001, where we were counting down.


"Excuse me while I raise my eyebrow..."

Referring to my (now famous) raising of an eyebrow


"So I spent the night bunched into a little ball and freezing, and NOW you tell me you've got a spare blanket"

After a sleepover at Alex's place, on a particularly cold evening


"My mouse is choking on dust and it doesn't want to click. It's not a Genius anymore"

My mouse -- personified. "Genius" is the brand of the mouse


Me: "You know what? I think we're being eavesdropped on!"

Adrian: "You know what? I think you're right!"

Me: "So, what do you think we should do about it?"

Adrian: "I think we should move!"

Me: "Good idea! Let's go!"

The start of a "conversation" with Adrian Liu, when we discovered that we were being eavesdropped on. We were speaking very loudly.


"That's right - you did tell me to program it. But you didn't ask me to program it elegantly!"

While we were working on CRAP (Checkers' Really Amazing Processor), and I did this program in the most crude way possible.


"It's a conspiracy!"

I just say that when someone says something in secret to someone else in my face. I don't really expect to know the answer, but it's just fun to watch their reactions!


"You're a spy!"

I say this when I'm trying to keep something secret and I'm being eavesdropped on.


"Right now, I'd like to tell you a story:

Long... long... ago... there... was... a... big... forest. Many... animals... lived... in... the... forest... Their... leader... was... King... Lion..."

On my bus, telling a story as I should be telling it: s...l...o...w...l...y... The rest of the people on my bus couldn't stop laughing. Whether it was at me or with me is a different story.


"I swear, there's a spy camera in my place -- every time I get into the bathroom, and I didn't bring the portable phone in, the phone will ring. And the person will always hang up before I manage to get out."

While talking to Zara on the phone... she keeps commenting that nobody answers the phone (it's not just her... lots of other people manage to do the exact same thing)


"The thing is..."

I always try to be diplomatic when I talk to anyone, and the thing is, I always say this quote to give me time to think... I think I say it a bit too often


"There's going to be a BIG CAKE, with LOTS OF CANDLES. Now since this is a PARTY, we're going to have some PARTY GAMES..."

During an assembly promoting the Centenary. It's actually very interesting, since all of Y7 and Y8 are saying this quote to me every time I approach them. Very cute :-)


"I'm going to go to bed... that is, if I don't fall asleep before that."

I've been working late very often, that's all I can say.


"This is interesting. We have two Gigi's here in the class. So, she (pointing to the leader) is 'Big Gigi', and she (pointing to the camper) is 'Little Gigi'"

During an English Language Camp


"They must think we're complete dipsticks -- they probably think that any international school student is completely whacko"

Commenting on the way we were treating Peter during the Eng Lang camp... we were constantly picking him up and dumping him into bins.


Dr. Checkland: "Did you know that adults acutally need less sleep than children?"

Euge: "No, why?"

Dr. C: "Well, it's because adults don't need the extra sleep and energy to grow like children do."

Me: "Okay... so let me get this straight: you're making us sleep at 3 o'clock in the morning, therefore, we only get about 3 hours of sleep... and therefore stunting our growth and possibly ruining our futures and the rest of our lives. All for a computing project"

During a frank discussion of our projects and whether or not extensions were needed.


"I can imagine what would happen if they had a voice control computer: 'Computer, print my courswork'

'Computer, destroy all of Adrian's coursework!'


Computer -- 'hard drive destroyed. You lost the fight this time, Adrian'"

Observing a fight over the computer between Adrian Liu and Candice... and making comments


"I was in the shower for 10 minutes tops. During that time, I was interrupted FOUR TIMES by the stupid phone. Now what are the odds... today, I was awake for, oh, 17 hours, and not one phone call until the second I step into that shower. "

Talking to Zara on the phone (see above - there's another related quote). I got a little bit annoyed after being phoned four times by four different people in 10 minutes, during the time I was in the shower. She wasn't one of the people that called, by the way - this conversation happened AFTER.


Side note to above comment:


The odds of any one person phoning me during in that 10 minutes (of the time I'm awake) is 10/1020, or 0.0098 (i.e. 0.98%). Now the probability of FOUR people doing the exact same thing would 0.0098^4 = 9.2 x 10^-9, or about a 1 in 9 billion chance of that happening.


(Yes, I see flaws in the calculation, and lots of things I didn't account for, but what the heck -- even Adrian Liu says there's there's no simple way to improve the calculation)


"Chris, you do realize that they're laughing at you, not with you, right?"

Talking with my peer support class, when Chris and Ross were doing some play. Chris was asking Ross out in the situation, and it got really really funny.


"Oh my gosh! They took Ang's plate! Quick, guys... what was on her plate?"

At Colours Evening - Angela had to walk off for a few minutes, and the waiter took her plate. She had told me to keep it there with my life... and I walked off to get food and asked the others to keep an eye out. I had to dash out and get another plate for her.


"I have reason to believe that you have a spy camera atatched onto my back... You literally caught me with my pants down this time."

I always complain that people call me whenever I'm in the bathroom. Well, this time, someone called and I was... er... in the bathroom. This person went on a hysterical laughing fit on the phone (according to my phone, it lasted 2 minutes).


"Gee... you know they won't allow us to take in electronic communication devices or even allow us to access them. What if we brought in homing pigeons?"

Mr. Leatham: "Well, it would be quite an amazing feat for a homing pigeon to fly all the way back to London, in less than an hour!"

Being really cynical during an examination supervision period.



I say this so often that it was requested as a quote



Apparently, I say this a LOT as well. It started when I was at Year 7 Camp, and I got a lot of water dumped on me. Then I started using it for other purposes - namely telling off little kids who were running around in hallways and stuff.


"Yeah, I'm being isolated here, missing the prom, and generally being treated like a criminal as if I'd go and leak exam questions. So what am I doing here? I'm here because it's FUN."

(Sarcastically) -- I was being asked what I was doing at school during the night of the prom (by a fellow Y13 - who turned up 15 minutes late for the exam, therefore we were 15 minutes later than we should have been - and also in the same situation). I was already extremely bitter about being let out so late for the prom, and I think the question really pushed me over the top. Apologies to the person I said this to.


"So, do you think I should risk food poisoning or eat something horrible? Aah, what the heck..."

To Zara, deciding whether or not to eat at the H**** K**** (name withheld to protect the guilty) Restaurant. Jen apparently had a case of food poisoning there once, so I was decidedly cautious.


"I sometimes think that the invigilator does stuff like that on purpose - make us laugh a bit before the exam starts so we feel better"

Talking about the very animated invigilator we have during out exams.


"(Sorry for the sarcasm -- it's just me after not being able to sleep last night, getting on two caffiene and/or sugar highs to get through two 1-1/2 hour computing exams, getting a very busted and shaky arm writing 11 pages of computing stuff for EACH of the exams, missing my normal school bus and therefore waiting for 30 minutes to get on a bus, falling asleep on that bus, waking up just in time to get off the bus - nearly falling down the stairs in the process, and receiving a call from ******** while I was taking a nap.) -- There. My entire day summed up in one, long, sarcastic sentence. "

In an email that I sent to someone, after a particularly bad day


"Sure, why not"

Used to be something I said a lot, before Zara starting hitting me every time I said it.


"So, how's life mistreating you?"

"I trust you were working hard, right?" (blank stare) "Right. I assume you were hardly working then!"
Talking to Vanessa before the M2 exam. She seemed really dazed.


"Hm... let me think about that... ... ... mmm ... ... no"

Every time someone says something completely absurd, I always say this back.


"Bullshitting is so easy once you're in the right frame of mind"

Doing a project that requires a lot of "technical" analysis.


"Gee, I don't know how to put this on my website without offending Asians, China, or humanity in general."

Discussing with friends how to /not to put a particular quote on this website, after Aaron said something particularly nasty again.


"And by hand-waving, magic, and a random number generator, it's obvious that the result is as shown"

"I'm in a relatively good mood - therefore I have decided to not spoil it by finishing this question"

"Working is left as an exercise to marker"

"It's very clear that the result is as follows"

"By MathCAD..."

"By Maple, it's clear that... ... and we all know that Maple can't be wrong!" (this was done after Prof. Lipshitz commented on how software could easily be wrong and we had to know how to do all of our maths ourselves, by hand)

"By the power vested in me over this assignment, I hereby declare this result correct for purposes of my assignment submission for the current assignment"

I wrote these on my Calculus (Math 211) Assignments! I wonder how Lipshitz feels


"Define 'finished' when you ask me whether I finished my exam."

After ECE 209 exam - we were discussing whether we all finished our exams


Me: "If we weren't such upstanding citizens, we would make excellent mafia guys"

Adrian: "Well, yes, since every second phrase you say has something to do with 'martial law'"

Discussing with Adrian after "invading" Sherman's house

Me: "It's really comforting to see all these people running around to catch their trains. It's just... relaxing, I have no clue why."
Kevin: "Man, you're seriously urbanized. Most people LEAVE the city to get away from it all, and you're going INTO the city for your hoilday and finding it relaxing. What's wrong with you?"

Discussing how relaxing it was for me to see PEOPLE after being in desolate Waterloo for a long time


Me: *sleepily* "Hello?"
"Hey, this is Matt from UWAFT. Are you going to be able to come out today and open up for us?"

"I thought it was set for 11:30, not 10:30"

"It's quarter to 12"

*long pause*

"I'll be out in five"

Oversleeping when I'm supposed to have opened up the Multimedia Lab for the UW Alternative Fuels Team


Me: "Aren't your necks itchy? Go and scratch your necks!"

Toni: "What do you mean... oh. Man! Now I'm itchy again. Stop DOING that!!!"

Reminding Toni about her itchy scarf and Jing about her turtleneck when they were doing something to make fun of me


"I've been thinking about using 'Subversion' but until I hear more about it I'm not really ready to commit to that yet. "

Chris: "That... was horrible."

Discussion about a versioning control system I want to use for programming projects


Dianne: "Where should we go for lunch today then?"
"How 'bout Wendy's ... we're out of plastic forks"

Discussing where to go for lunch one afternoon (while on work term in Stratford)


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